Surely Nothing but Satan Himself Could Explain This European Heat Wave Named 'Lucifer'A devastating heat wave surging through southern Europe has earned the unofficial moniker of “Lucifer,” according to several news reports this weekend. Things over there do seem pretty bad, real bad, bad enough there that the only logical conclusion is Satan danced down there himself, possibly with a fiddle, and played a song which cursed the very winds themselves with the tunes of brimstone and ruin after somebody lost a bet. At least two people died over the course of the heat wave, which caused temperatures to spike as high as 4. Celsius (1. 11 Fahrenheit) in southern Spain and 4. Celsius (1. 04 Fahrenheit) in the French Riviera, per the New York Times.

The White House Office of Science and Technology Policy, which coordinates federal climate reports, also had no staff in its science division left as of July 1.

Temperatures were forecast as high as slightly over 4. Celsius (1. 08 Fahrenheit) in mainland Greece. According to Agence France- Presse, local conditions in Italy’s Campania region caused temperatures to feel much higher, around 5. Celsius (1. 31 Farenheit). Train tracks in southern Serbia warped, the Romanian government urged Bucharest residents to stay indoors and an Italian drought which has already cost over $1 billion dragged on. Per Reuters, the Italian grape harvest started weeks early, with Slow Food movement leader Carlo Petrini telling La Stampa he had never heard of it ever starting before August 1.

Reuters also reported 3. Serbia, Bosnia, Macedonia and Croatia. While the Times reported two deaths, AFP reported as many as five, with hospital admissions in Italy running 1. It’s almost enough to make one wonder if this heat wave could be correlated with all those other heat waves across the world, or the inexplicable trend of the planet breaking global heat records on a regular basis. Maybe there’s some kind of thing that we, humans, are pumping into the atmosphere that causes it to retain more heat, perhaps making said events more likely.

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Hmm. But since no such theory, perhaps of so- called global climate “change,” has been devised or vetted by the vast majority of climate scientists, we’re just going to have to hand it to the devil on this one and guess the thing we are pumping into the atmosphere is sin. Curse you, Lucifer!

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